What kinds of divorces are there and how could they impact your move?
Relocating during a divorce is never straightforward or easy. Besides choosing between moving companies, brokers vs movers or having to find last minute movers – the to-do list is endless. The difficulty of your relocation during a divorce largely depends on the type of divorce. There are several different factors to consider. If you are planning a cross-country move, especially if you are moving with kids, it becomes even more complicated. Let’s look at different types of divorces and how it could impact your move.
If you have been married for less than five years, own no property and/or have no children, you should have an expedited divorce procedure available in your state. The process is relatively quick and easy as long as both parties agree to the divorce and file court papers jointly. By going to your local family court, you can get a divorce with a few simple forms. Naturally, a summary divorce does not impact your relocation all that much. Both parties do not have many or any joint assets, which makes it all much easier.
If possible, an uncontested divorce is the best possible route. This means that both parties agree to the terms and conditions of your divorce. The court papers are then submitted and there is no need to have a formal trial or appear in court. As the case with a summary divorce, an uncontested divorce does not impact your relocation as significantly as other types of divorce. As long as the terms of the relocation is agreed upon, there should be no real hassles while relocating. Other than the sheer amount of work involved with relocating, especially if you are relocating interstate.
If you file for divorce and the other party does not respond, the court will grant you a divorce by default. This means your spouse is not needed to be present in court for the divorce to be finalized. A default divorce also does not make relocating as difficult. But should there be various assets, and especially children involved, it would be advisable to visit a family lawyer.
Fault and No-Fault Divorce
In previous years, getting divorced was not as simple and easy as it is today. If you wanted to get divorced you needed to prove that your spouse was somehow at fault and that as a result, the marriage has broken down. Every state offers the option of a no-fault divorce, in this case you simply state that you and your partner have ‘irreconcilable differences’, which has caused a breakdown in the marriage.
A mediated divorce means that there is a neutral party (a mediator) that helps both parties resolve their issues in court. The mediator is not there to make decisions but rather to guide you and your spouse to come to mutual agreements regarding all aspects of the divorce.
The mediator is there to optimize communications for both parties to come to an agreement. If you are planning a relocation, it is vital to communicate during the meditation process. If the relocation agreement can be mediated and comes to a conclusion, your relocation process will be all the much easier.
Although collaborative divorce involves lawyers (for both parties), it works differently to contested divorce. Each party hires a lawyer who works together to agree on the terms of the divorce and to settle the divorce. Both parties have a lawyer who works for their side but both lawyers work collaboratively. Both parties agree to disclose any and all information to make negotiations fair and legal.
If your divorce is not settled during the collaborative divorce process, you will need to find other attorneys who will then take your case to court. The way in which this impacts your relocation depends on whether or not you are able to come to an agreement during this process. If you are unable to do so, you will find your divorce settlement land up in court, which significantly impacts your relocation.
You and your spouse may agree to hire a private judge. A private judge is referred to an arbitrator. If you proceed with an arbitration, the judge will make decisions as a judge would in court. And you and your spouse are to honor those decisions. If you or your spouse are planning a relocation, the arbitrator will decide on the matter once provided with all the relevant information.
A contested divorce will impact your relocation the most. A contested divorce means that you and your spouse cannot come to an agreement with regards to property or child custody, for example. For these very reasons, your relocation will not be able to take place until these matters are agreed upon by both parties.
These issues will then be decided upon by a judge. The processes involved will be the sharing of all relevant information, settlement negotiations, several hearings and then the decision-making process. If these issues can then not be resolved, it will be done via a court trial, in which case you will need a lawyer.
Moving Without Children: During and After the Divorce
Moving with seniors can be challenging. In fact, moving with pets or even moving with plants require careful planning. But if you are not moving without kids, you may want to count yourself lucky to a degree.
While it is true that a divorce is probably one of the hardest things anyone can go through. It is far harder when there are kids involved. Regardless, if you are dealing with divorce and relocation, here is what you need to know.
- If possible, try for an uncontested divorce to make relocating easier. Without numerous court proceedings, arguments and non-agreements, moving becomes easier.
- Keep clear lines of communication with your spouse with regards to your plans to relocate.
- Keep arguments at bay. The more you argue, the longer the divorce will take. This can hinder your plans to relocate. If you are relocating for a job, this might be an even bigger problem.
- Keep calm and proceed. During a divorce, there will be a lot to deal with. Let alone if you are planning a relocation at the same time. Keep a level head and move forward with what you need to do in both situations. Neglecting either one will also make your relocation all that much harder.
- Importantly, you need to deal with the psychological impact of both the divorce and the relocation. Many people find therapy useful during trying times. It might work for you too.
Moving out of state with children: During and After the Divorce
It is true that thousands of children experience the event of divorce each year. The way in which they cope with it depends on a number of factors. These include age, personality traits, the household circumstances and more. Moving with kids is probably the most challenging part of any relocation. Here are some guidelines when moving with kids during and after a divorce.
Psychological impact of moving
You can expect a range of emotions when children are involved during a relocation. Especially in the case of a divorce. These divorce-related emotions can range from shock, frustration, worry, sadness and anger. However, if handled correctly you can help make the process as smooth as possible.
Tips to help children cope with a relocation during a divorce:
- Any legal talk, conflict or discussions related to the divorce or relocation should not be done in front of children.
- Keep childrens’ daily routine as normal as possible.
- Parents should try to keep heated discussions confined to private therapy sessions. The controlled environment is the best place to attempt coming to agreements regarding all matters concerned.
- Each parent should be involved with the childrens’ lives as far as possible.
How to break the news
Before talking to your kids, ensure you are certain of your plans. Changing plans constantly will negatively impact your children. If possible, both parents should be present during the process of breaking the news to your children. The discussion should be fitting to your kids’ ages, level of maturity and their temperament.
Generally speaking, it is of the utmost importance that kids are reassured that the divorce (and relocation) is something pertaining to the parents and is in no way the fault of the child. Throughout the process, it will be needed for parents to give their kids this reassurance on a continuous basis.
It is important that regardless of the divorce that kids can still view their parents as a working unit as far as they are concerned. Probably one of the most important things to convey is that of love. Children need to understand that by no measure is the love for the family tarnished or diminished in any way.
Older children might have a better understanding of what’s going on. But as a result, they may have more complex questions. Both parents should be aware of this and have answers to these questions. If you are unable to answer questions, you might strike anxiety, which will lead to other issues. These issues can be avoided by being as transparent as possible (especially with older children).
Preparing to have ‘the talk’
Prepare to experience a range of emotions from your kids from worry to fear to relief and more. Importantly, being prepared during ‘the talk’ will make things much easier on your children.
These questions are important as they will pave the way to what you kids can expect on a day-to-day basis, which is probably one of their biggest concerns. The best policy is to be as honest as possible. Children have a keen sense for honesty and by doing so, you ensure them that they can trust you in the decisions you make that concern them.
Here are some questions you can expect when moving with kids:
- Will I move?
- Who will I live with?
- Will I change schools?
- Where will each of the parents live?
- Will parents alternate holidays?
- How will birthdays be celebrated?
- Will they see their friends?
- If moving, how will they see their friends?
- Will they still visit their favorite places and get to do their favorite activities?
How to help kids cope with moving and divorce
Your main aim should be to reassure kids that everything is going to be okay. Easier said than done, we know. But here are a few guidelines to achieve exactly that.
- Honesty. By encouraging honesty you are reinforcing trust. Trust is probably the most important aspect of the entire process and ensuring your kids’ wellbeing is at the top of the agenda.
- Working through emotions. Kids more often than not portray their feelings through their behavior. Help them work through their emotions by putting their feelings into words. Communication is key.
- Recognize their feelings. Kids (like adults) should feel free to feel their emotions and for it to be taken seriously. By actively recognizing your kids’ feelings, you will help them grow through the process of difficult times. This is not only vital to your current situation but also as an important life skill.
- Offer support. Children might fully understand what will help them through difficult situations. Speak to your kids about this and have open lines of communication. Once you know what they need it naturally makes everything that much easier to cope with.
- Keep healthy. This goes for you and your children. You are going to need it. Divorce and relocation both offer a set of challenges that you have no choice to overcome. Ensuring your health comes first is a step in the right direction.
- Seek help. Whether it be from a counselor, therapist, or friend, seeking help and support is the only way you will make it through this without exhaustion or a negative impact on your overall well being.
10 Tips for Relocating to Another State After a Divorce
The honest but sad truth is that nearly 50% of marriages end in a divorce. This stat presented by the American Psychological Association is shocking but also it gives you the bittersweet peace of mind that you are not one of only a few. Divorcing is hard and that’s one thing. But divorcing and relocating can become tricky. And if you have made it through getting moving cost estimates and moving insurances, and made it through the moving costs involved, well done!
And perhaps now you find yourself in your new city – starting a new life. You might be asking yourself “what now?” And that’s a very good question. That’s why we are going to give you 10 tips for relocating to another state after a divorce.
Ask for Help – You could consider joining a divorce group. This could help you deal with being newly divorced but also help you meet new people. Moving interstate can be challenging as you might feel isolated from everyone you know. Meeting new people can really help you cope with the massive changes you are going through.
Stay Positive – Keeping a positive frame of mind is the number one thing you should be concentrating on right now. Sure, you are facing many psychological and emotional obstacles. But keep in mind that every decision you have made up until this point has been brave and you will overcome every obstacle still facing your way.
Forgiveness – Not only do you need to forgive your spouse but you also need to forgive yourself. There are no guarantees when it comes to marriage or where you generally find yourself in life. Forgiveness will help you get through the grief of divorce and get you on the road to recovery.
Recognize Your Victories – You have divorced and you have moved. It’s tough. And never straightforward. During this time you have probably learned a lot about yourself, life and more. Recognize how far you have come and build on those victories. A few months down the line and you will have reached greater heights and that’s something to be proud about.
Leave the drama behind – Regardless of the details, divorce will change you and your kids’ lives forever. Especially if there are kids involved – leave the drama behind. The drama is what will keep you in the negative space of your divorce instead of moving forward.
Preparing for post-divorce – There is one thing you can count on. Your friends (or at least some of them) will take sides. After a divorce, you can expect to lose friends. There is absolutely no other way to put that mildly. Keep in mind, that your truest of friends will still be there. And that’s really all that matters.
Enjoy the free time – Has free time ever been part of your daily routine? Get ready for it. After a divorce, you will find that suddenly you have more time. More time to do what you want to do. Make it count and enjoy every minute of it.
Take care of YOU – Whether it is breaking a sweat or reading a book by your favorite author. Now is the time to live your best life. But do remember that this is best done by a healthy lifestyle and looking after you in all ways possible.
Keep going! – There will be times when you feel low. And understandably so. During these times, reach out to close friends and family for support. Rest assured that they want to be there for you so do not neglect to count on them during these times just as much as the good times.
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How to Start Over After Divorce with No Money
If you have just divorced, you might feel the financial pinch. If you are also relocating, this might be causing more stress than you would like. So, you might want to know how to move as cheaply as possible and we are going to help you with that!
Friends and family – Turn to friends and family to help you with your relocation. Whether moving furniture or transporting some of your belongings. Friends and family should be your number one support system and trust that they want to help you get through this. If you are moving bulky items – consider cheap movers if you are unable to do it DIY-style.
Keep financial records – You should retain all financial records during your divorce. These documents are crucial in ensuring you receive what is legally agreed upon, financially.
Explore alternative incomes – Fancy being innovative? You can generate additional income for yourself with some savvy. Especially if you have received some form of payout from your divorce. Use these funds to create an additional income for yourself as opposed to spending it.
Career training – If you are able to, invest in some career training. This might include a salary raise, which might be exactly what you need.
Divorce recovery process – With the number of excellent divorce recovery processes available, you can make it through this and still be financially stable. Look into a divorce recovery process to make the journey easier on you and your pocket.
You will get through your divorce. That is only a matter of time. And if you are relocating. That too will soon be something in the past. What’s important is that you follow all the steps necessary to ensure you get to the other side in the best way possible.
If you are relocating, you have a million more things to consider. If you are moving with piano, or need to move with a hot tub or move fine art – rely on the professionals to do deal with that. Even moving with a pool table can be tricky – so ensure you consult with your movers to handle everything to the detail.